I write this in a time of great concern, just a few days away from travelling from Cornwall to Bedford for the EMTF National Championships, we will be travelling up om the Friday and returning on the Sunday for what promises to be a truely exhausting weekend.
After driving all the way up there and grabbing an all to brief shower and rest we will be making our way over to train with Master Anesh for 4 hours i think before grabbing what i expect to be a very restless nights sleep.
Competition day always starts with me waking up way too early, wanting plenty more sleep, promising i will force myself to have breakfast and then disappointing myself by looking at the plate/bowl wanting to throw up and not eating till around 5PM that evening. My only place of contentment is the shower in which i spend at least 20-25 minutes with the water as hot as possible, soothing my already tense muscles as i mentally try to prepare for the challenge ahead, in my mind i know i can do well, but i have to control myself, stay calm and collected and perform to my best, all too often i have let nerves shatter my chances of a good performance, i can never grumble at doing my best and losing, but to perform badly lets me, my students and my Art down. That simply wont do.
My role seems somehow different for this competition, for one i know that i will be judging and refereeing, not something i particularly enjoy but to ensure the day goes well and to help with the running of the rings its something all Master must do, and of course any other spare senior grades, but it is a nice feeling to be sat there and your opinion counted, in addition to that i have 3 Cornwall clubs represented, the Central Dojang ( my club ) and 2 Satellites. After spending the majority of my recent weeks teaching all of these people what to perform and how to perform it, it has become evident to me that i have neglected my own training, i dont feel particularly sharp in sparring ( in part due to the fact im always sparring lower grades, the 3rd Dans and Masters are very VERY good at sparring ) and my form is self taught mainly, i have a massaive disadvantage in that respect but i feel that i have been mainly a coach for this competition, and my own performance/training has had to take second place, personally i would have liked more time with the entire team, and will try hard to rectify this for the Europeans next year.
In addition to this i have one more area of concern pressuring me, it only dawned on me yesterday actually, its been 9 years since ive competed in a Tang Soo Do Comp with Hyungs, its a scary thought, ive competed in opens with forms, but not Tang Soo Do where the technical aspect is much harsher, i have consigned myself to the fact i will lose sparring and thats cool, as theres no weight category and im the smallest in the group then i have to accept that i will lose, i just hope i get a decent draw, but the forms is where im feeling the most pressure. I guess we will just see.
Ive also had the bad news that one of my Students wont be making the trip and also perhaps another one, this is gutting due mainly to the fact that their company will be missed and i know for a fact they will do well, im looking for Cornwall to dominate the Chil Sung Category, this has been my main aim over the past month or so, an i expect the same for the Europeans, so 2 down would be a disaster.
Im starting to drone a little now, so perhaps i will revisit and add more at a later date, plus im planning on getting as many early nights as possible between now and the trip.
I have had some very nice time lately and the fact that me and Hayley are on the best of terms again means that my bad mood and constant worries have ( at least for now ) vanished, the precious little time we have managed to spend together as good friends in the past weeks have been a welcome distraction from the upcoming event that has already started to steal my sleep. Its been massively comforting and relaxing. Thankyou.
I will leave you with a track ive always loved and recently rediscovered via the miracle of spotify 
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